After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
