Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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