Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
