I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
