I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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