Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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