Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
