Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
