Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
