I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
