I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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