we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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