So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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