I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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