Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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