thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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