with your own penis?
only if we run a train.
done.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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