I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
