Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
