I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
