I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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