It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
