Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i will never coherently bang her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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