When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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