i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
