I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
