First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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