the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
