She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
