I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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