the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
