question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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