Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
