I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
