At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
