Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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