I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
