I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
