Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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