No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
