did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
