my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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