Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
