Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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