He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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