Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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