dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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