Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
