see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
