you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
