Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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