Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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