Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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