A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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