Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
