i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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