I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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