just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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