Don't make out with my wife yet
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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