You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Welp...herpes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
