im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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