Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just invented taco cereal.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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