I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Randomize
