i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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