we have officially lost it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
