I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
