I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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