Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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