There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
