peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize
