3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
