Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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