I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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