I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
