@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if only i could text you this smell
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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