Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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