and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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