I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
