The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
