People in love make me want to vomit
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
