This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we should paint friendship bongs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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