Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
