There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
