i think my tv is drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
